Halloweenie Tissues

I've had a headache since Friday - that's 4 days. I say that because apparently when you tell someone, like the Nurse at your Doctor's office that you've had a headache since Friday, it's not evident that you've had a headache for 4 days. You have to say, "4 days". This is how part of our conversation went:

NURSE: So now you have a headache?

[After listening to me explain that I caught a head cold and sore throat from a guy in our office who watches YOU TUBE all day].

ME: Yes. I've had a headache since Friday.
NURSE: How long have you had the headache?
ME: Uhhhhhhhh..... I've had a headache since Friday.
NURSE: How many days have you had a headache?
ME: Uhhhhh.....well, I've had it since Friday so...
NURSE: How many days?
ME: That would be...Friday....Sat Turrrr Daaay..... Sundaaaaaaaaahy....aaaaaeeeeennnnd.... Monday.....
NURSE: How many days?
ME: 4
NURSE: Okay, so you've had a headache for 4 days.
ME: Yes. Since Friday.

The good thing is, the Nurse gave me an appointment within 2 hours. I don't know why they make you jump through hoops and tell long stories. I'm sure someone else was on hold and passed out while I counted 4 days for the Nurse. Also, they were not that busy when I got there.

The other good thing is that I bought Halloween tissues for my desk at work. This relates because I am sick and because looking at these tissues is the only thing that doesn't hurt my head. I have named the red-headed blue witch, Ursula.

Take a picture...and other fine sayings...

The door to my new office at work sits midway in a long hallway. This hallway is not incredibly busy, but everyone in the office will walk down this hallway at minimum twice a day (if not to check their mail, then to use the kitchen or visit the head-honchos). I don't mind the location of my office, except for the FACT that most people will look into my office EVERY time they walk by my door. I'm not referring to a quick glance. I am describing a LONG, INTRUSIVE stare. The kind of stare one gives to a weird creature at the Zoo. Or a car accident. The kind of judgmental stare a god-damn-crotchety-nosy-busy-body-old-lady-grandma gives to her next door neighbor for no apparent reason.

My solution today has been to yell at each googly-eyed passerby "TAKE A PICTURE! IT LASTS LONGER!" So far no one gets it (as in no one has acknowledged that I might be yelling at them), but the yelling makes me feel better. Well, actually, it makes me feel like one of those chimps at the Zoo throwing their feces at the wall, but I imagine that those chimps feel better after hurling poo.

In case I'm missing...

I had my hair cut 2 months ago. It was not "just a trim". I cut off about 4 inches of my hair; making my hair shoulder-length. I also got more bangs. Thicker, shorter bangs. It was noticeable. At that time, many people complimented my hair cut. It was THAT obvious of a haircut.

Today (2 MONTHS LATER) people are complimenting my NEW HAIR CUT !! I wish I were kidding. Today, at work, several people (that I work with on a DAILY basis) complimented my "new hair":

"Ooooo! I love your new short hair!" Seriously? But it's been 2 months. I don't want to seem ungrateful, but are you fucking kidding me?

"What did you do to your hair? It's cute!" Um...it's been cute for 2 months. 2 months. It's been cute, right? Right?!? Maybe it wasn't. And today it is? Or maybe it isn't cute. Are people fucking with me? What do you mean by "what did I do"...I did it 2 months ago.

"Wow! You got a makeover!" This compliment is my personal favorite because I know the bitch just called me ugly. Yes, dear. The "makeover" I got 2 months ago, just kicked in. I was wondering when the ugly would wear off.

I must be invisible to everyone, and that makes me sad. I tried to tell myself I was transported to a different planet overnight, but I'm not falling for it. I tried to remind myself that I work with a bunch of pod-people, but those same pod-people noticed my hair 2 months ago. So what the hell? I must be invisible. Insignificant. Inferior. Trivial. Incidental. Un-mentionable. Un-seen. Un-heard of...or better yet, never to be heard from again.

I realized that if I went missing, it might take people 2 months to notice. I could be dead or dying, and not until 2 months had passed would anyone bother to wonder. 2 months. That's a long time, right? I'm screwed.

Another sign...

So today igoogle horoscope blabbed on about my job; how I'm worried it isn't offering the security I want, something about benefts and responsibilities, THEN it said...

...you will feel better once you know your new direction...holding on to the past can prevent the next step of your future from unfolding...

Whoa.

I'm so glad my "horrorscope" stopped taunting me...

Finally! A nice Horoscope....

If you've been reading "Angry Ursula", you know that my daily igoogle horoscope has been taunting me. Kim says "Horror-scope". Anyway, today (finally) I got a good horoscope; one that I am going to take as a sign because (get this) all of yesterday and the day before I couldn't stop thinking how much I would prefer to be doing something....CREATIVE.

There are many ways to be creative and it makes sense now for you to explore as many of them as possible. Your penchant for variety allows you to shine as you try different modes of self-expression. . . . you are dancing to the beat of your own drummer, and the ryhthm keeps on changing.

Okay...for the record, this could take months for me to fully realize, but hey, it starts today. Well, actually, it started 2 days ago. This is just my affirmation. Also for the record, I conveniently removed the part where the horoscope warns me that people will try to tell me what to do. Hmph...nothing new there. I will play dumb to their words or ignore them. Wait...this is supposed to be Nice Ursula!

Oh, what was that? You heard me! "Buh-Bye Numbers! Buh-Bye Crapa-faction! Buh-Bye Dead Cubicle!" One day anyway...my horoscope says it's okay.

Jodi is trying to kill me - Part 2

Jodi keeps inviting me to the USC Homecoming Football game. I keep telling her "Thanks, but no thanks" because I would be no fun (as a UCLA Bruin) at a USC game. Frankly, I believe I will be taunted and beaten. They will pour beer on me. Then try to toss me from the stands. Not fun for Ursula.

So Jodi asked me again today, and I said "No. Sorry. I am sure I don't want to go. I know you want me to go but it would be torture for me. Chinese Torture. AND...I might die." To which Jodi says, it would be "character building".

You see that?!?!? My pain and death is CHARACTER BUILDING for ME.

She's trying to kill me. She's trying to kill me. She's trying to kill me.

Stupid Daily iGoogle Horoscope

So last Friday, my daily horoscope flat-out told me to be a "team player" (as if it didn't know me at all). "Fuck that," I said. Team player scheam playaaaaaa. When have I ever....? I thought it was funny, but secretly I was irked. I shook it off, and went back to playing on the internets and stuffing my face with sugar and snacks, like the true TEAM PLAYER that I am.

Then on Monday, my horoscope told me not to try anything new. "Play it safe today," it read. I was starting to get pissy. Duh! Of course I would "play it safe". When have I ever not...? But then I got confused. Was my horoscope telling me that I had NOT been playing it safe and now I need to try? Or was it being sarcastic and mocking my "play it safe" day? You know...like this..."Ha! Humph! Yeah. Play it safe you big, boring dummy. You've got nothing else going for you..."

Okay...then, on Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday, my horoscope told me to "soften my words" and "don't upset people". Now I'm angry. The stupid igoogle gadget IS taunting me. I don't upset people. Really. I am angry, but everyone knows this, and I think they think it's funny (which p.s. is like mocking me, but whatever). OKAY SO NOW I'M UPSETTING PEOPLE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? How can it be my horoscope if it doesn't even know who I am?

THEN...today my horoscope says:

Thoughts enter into your awareness that seem to have little to do with what's actually happening. It can take extra effort just to carry on a normal conversation with so much background noise distracting you.

So basically, my horoscope just called me a crazy person. Now I'm pissed. Even though it's pretty accurate...damn it.

Monterey Manning

Monterey Manning is a Sea Water Otter that I bought at the Monterey Bay Aquarium gift shop. His name is Monterey because that is where he is from. His last name is Manning, because he looks like Eli Manning; big nose, wide forehead and a little retarded. Monterey is soft and good for snuggling. Monterey is also good for blogging...I mean, he has his own blog:

http://sea-water-otter-blogger.blogspot.com/