Hungry Ursula

I didn't eat dinner last night, which means that as of this morning, the last time I ate was at 3:00 pm yesterday. I am so friggin' hungry that I am eating everything in sight. I've made 2 trips to the office convenience store already. It's only 11:10 am. Don't get too close to the wild hungry animal. It will attack you. Don't put your fingers too close to my face. They look like French Fries to me right now, which sound like a good snack.

Jodi is trying to kill me on March 1, 2009.

Jodi is trying to convince me to run the L.A. Marathon in March 2009 (http://www.lamarathon.com/).

The "running portion" of the marathon is 26.2 miles. I have tried to tell her that I do not want to die of a heart attack. She's not concerned. Apparently, there are medical check points every 3 miles or so. I want to know what happens when I collapse at mile 4.2, go into cardiac arrest while being trampled by 1000s of running over-achievers like Jodi. When she gets to the next checkpoint over 2 miles away, will she even slow down to tell them where I am? And if she does, how will they find my crumpled, beaten body on the marathon course?

Jodi says that I have plenty of time to train. The word "train" really does not compute to someone like me. I have never trained for anything in my life. Any running that I have ever done has been from one retail establishment (think Target) to another (think Cost Plus, IKEA, Costco, Forever 21) but only because I had dinner plans later.

Jodi says, "Think how good you will feel when you cross that finish line!" I say, think how good you will feel when I cross the finish line (I am being optimistic) at 8pm that night, hours after the marathon is over and you have to drive back to shadey downtown L.A. to get me, sweaty, panting and exhausted. You better bring a friend so you can lift my body into the trunk of your car.

I asked if there was some sort of charitable cause we were running for. Jodi said "Empowerment". My reaction: blank stare. All I can see is the white light.

Hyatt Champions Resort, Indian Wells

Woodsie and Boyfriend went to the Hyatt Champions Resort in Indian Wells over the weekend. We only stayed for one night, but it was incredibly fun and relaxing.

I would just like to share the "swag" I scored. The hotel had these wonderful Eucalyptus products that make you smell like a spa; fresh, clean and mossssssy! I think I did quite well...

Yes, I am perfectly aware that "swag" implies that it was given to me as a gift and not "taken" by my own free will, and if anyone uses the word "stealing" here, you aren't my friend. Yeah, so Woodsie has a fetish for "collecting" items from hotels, but don't worry! I have limits. I draw the line at bathrobs, towels and fixtures, but not apples. I love the spa apples that are sweet, delicious and crunchy. Even days later after you had shoved them into your suitcase and driven back to L.A. they are still crunchy. Oh, and I am still smelling fresh, clean and mossssssssy!

Happy Birthday to my Whitey!

Mastercard Commercial starring Michael White

40 Balloons & a Balloon Pump to "decorate" Whitey's Office: $11.93

1 Boston Creme Pie because it's his favorite: $40

Jar of 42 Bouncy Balls because there should always be

42 reasons to bounce a ball: $14.12

Gigantic "Happy Birthday" Banner

because everyone will ask "Is it your Birthday?": $6.51

Wishing Whitey Happy Birthday the Woodsie way

while watching him JUMP on his balloons:

PRICELESS