Ursula's New Moisturizer

Fattie bought new moisturizer.

It's by Curel. It's called "Menopause & Beyond". It smells really, really good. The scent doesn't make me sick or angry (that's why I am posting on Nice Ursula...finally). And it also has grape seed extract which is moisturizing and firming for the skinsssssss. But mainly I bought it because of my new fattie theory: I have early menopause.

So this lotion is going to help me. My skin elasticity will improve and my collagen will increase. The bottle is quite inspirational too. It's light blue and friendly. Also the phrase "Life's Stages" is somehow motivational.

Fattie likes!

P.S. I'm not embarassed of my menopause. In fact, I proudly display my bottle of "Menopause & Beyond" lotion on my desk at work.

Curse of the Fattie (Continued)

Today. Lunch. With Kim Dzwonkfhsdjkfakjh. At Le Pain Quotiajhfsdfksdjk.

She. Dainty open-faced salmon sandwich.

Me. Mediterranean Platter. Not dainty. Gigantic. I didn't know. As usual. Why me?

Curse of the Fattie

So I have a problem (yes...ha ha ha...another one...shut it). Every time I go out to a nice restaurant I accidently end up ordering something that just happens to be the LARGEST plate of food on the menu.

See Exhibit 1. "Sex and the City" Brunch with my favorite girls at The Hungry Cat on June 1. I ordered "The Platter" which the skinny bitch waitress described it as "small" and enough for "one". Liar! Note that "The Platter" is so large it has to be placed in the CENTER of the friggin' table. At least it was Atkins. And yes, I ate most of it. I gave up on the last mussell though. I couldn't eat it, but I am still thinking about it. What's wrong with me?

Okay. But now cut to the following Sunday, June 8. Brunch with my sweet boyfriend at Ivy at the Shore. Sidenote: We had a gift card (thank goodness). With my ordering problem I shouldn't be allowed to look at a menu let alone go some place pricey on a whim.

See Exhibit 2. I ordered "Fish & Chips". That is all. Fish and Fucking Chips. That's what the menu said. "Fish and Chips". Seriously. Isn't this supposed to just be a basket with fish sticks and french fries. Why does the plate of food make me look so small? Which I'm not. So logically, if I am not small and the plate of food looks bigger than me...then it really is GIGANTIC.

Really. How is it possible that I HAPPEN to order the LARGEST thing on the menu two weekends in a row? Why? What's wrong with me? Why is Fattie cursed?