Curse of the Fattie

So I have a problem (yes...ha ha ha...another one...shut it). Every time I go out to a nice restaurant I accidently end up ordering something that just happens to be the LARGEST plate of food on the menu.

See Exhibit 1. "Sex and the City" Brunch with my favorite girls at The Hungry Cat on June 1. I ordered "The Platter" which the skinny bitch waitress described it as "small" and enough for "one". Liar! Note that "The Platter" is so large it has to be placed in the CENTER of the friggin' table. At least it was Atkins. And yes, I ate most of it. I gave up on the last mussell though. I couldn't eat it, but I am still thinking about it. What's wrong with me?

Okay. But now cut to the following Sunday, June 8. Brunch with my sweet boyfriend at Ivy at the Shore. Sidenote: We had a gift card (thank goodness). With my ordering problem I shouldn't be allowed to look at a menu let alone go some place pricey on a whim.

See Exhibit 2. I ordered "Fish & Chips". That is all. Fish and Fucking Chips. That's what the menu said. "Fish and Chips". Seriously. Isn't this supposed to just be a basket with fish sticks and french fries. Why does the plate of food make me look so small? Which I'm not. So logically, if I am not small and the plate of food looks bigger than me...then it really is GIGANTIC.

Really. How is it possible that I HAPPEN to order the LARGEST thing on the menu two weekends in a row? Why? What's wrong with me? Why is Fattie cursed?