Monterey Manning

Monterey Manning is a Sea Water Otter that I bought at the Monterey Bay Aquarium gift shop. His name is Monterey because that is where he is from. His last name is Manning, because he looks like Eli Manning; big nose, wide forehead and a little retarded. Monterey is soft and good for snuggling. Monterey is also good for blogging...I mean, he has his own blog:

http://sea-water-otter-blogger.blogspot.com/

Important Thing I Did Today #2

Today I ate some Haribo Gummy Bears. All red. But first I lined them up on my desk like this:
Then I did a Photo Shoot of my Gummy Bears. Then I decided that they were "The Red Army" and all Chinese. Then one Gummy Soldier fell over and I ate him first.

Today may have been the best day of my work life ever.

Important Thing I Did Today #1

Today I added Seasons 1 through 7 of The Golden Girls to my Netflix queueueueue. Then I arranged them in order at the top of the queueueueeueu.

"Thank for being a frieeeeeeeeend. Travel 'round the world 'n back agaaaaaaaain. Your heart is true. Your a pal and a confidaaaaaaaahhhnt."

When a woman cheats...

I just read this cheesy article in InStyle magazine about Meg Ryan. In it she says that someone once said (about her affair with Russell Crowe and (...no surprise here...) the multiple affairs Dennis Quaid had during their marriage) the following:

"When a woman cheats, it's the woman's fault...
...When a man cheats, it's the woman's fault".

At first I snickered, because how crazy stereotypical is that quote? Men not taking responsibility, the cold woman pushing her husband away...why shouldn't he cheat? She forced him to! Then, ever so slowly, this rage creeped over me as I thought about all the situations where that quote ever so subtly applied to my life (and even the lives of some of my friends).

Now, I'm not just talking about cheating in a relationship. I'm referring to even the smallest mistakes that a couple makes with one another ("You forgot to pick up my favorite cereal at the store!") or the white lies that we tell. I'm referring to all other things in a relationship (besides being unfaithful) for which the woman somehow bears the burden of fault, or is convinced that she is partially responsible.

Example 1. Everyone has been lied to. Think back to that. Did the liar try to tell you that you had something to do with his lie? Does this sound familiar, "I knew it would make you mad if I told you"?

Example 2. You forgot to pick up / drop off / buy something for your significant other. It's your fault. Now what if he forgot? What was his initial response? Did it start with "You didn't....

So I guess I am rageful because I don't want any stereotype to apply to me, but moreover, I am rageful because even in the smallest way, that stupid old- ladies- who-lunch quote, COULD apply to me. I am also rageful because maybe I am the only one who feels this way?

My conclusion is this: there is NO happy ending to this Blog Entry. I have no words of wisdom, no advice, nor even a peppy mantra to put forth. I have only this...

It's not my fault; of that I am certain.

Oh and...hey, Meg Ryan! It's not your fault either.

Warning: Don't Eat The Beauty Drops

I almost ate these:

This weekend, I got a jar of “LUMENE Beauty Drops” as a freebie. I was really excited all weekend because I thought they were something I could eat…I mean, I thought they were vitamins…that I could eat. The drops are orange, shiny and pretty which made me excited to eat them. Also, they have “Arctic Cloudberry” which sounded delicious.

So today at work, I took them out, excited to eat one. When I opened the jar, I thought, “Oh wait. These smell really pretty.” Pretty. Not yummy. Yet I continued to admire the jar, smell the contents and push at the “drops”. I was still planning to eat one.

Then I announced to my friend Jodi, “I’m going to take my beauty drops.”

And she said, “What do they do?”

So it THEN I read the label and it said, “FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY.”

So finally, I realized the “beauty drops” aren’t for Chubby to eat.

But then I told my other friend, Kim, who also got a jar of beauty drops and she said, “…they have those twisty things on them though…” as if that should have stopped me from eating them. I said, “I still almost ate one.” Honestly, the twisty thing just makes them look like cute goldfish…that I can eat.

So Kim also told my other, other friend, Andrea, who also got a jar of beauty drops, not to eat them. And I told my other, other, other friend Erica.

Anyway, I just want everyone to know… you’re not supposed to EAT the beauty drops.