My Hero, Mr. Charles Griffin

Mr. Charles Griffin was born at 24 weeks. As you read this, send out some good thoughts, prayers and wishes for little Charlie and his parents (friends of Sarah's).

Here's to little Charlie who will one day use those little hands to throw a ball and break a window, pull a little girl's hair on the playground, fingerpaint and perform in the school play.

Day 9: Why Won't Someone Pick Up Their Crap

IT'S GONE!!!

Women of the World - - You Disgust Me

Okay. So not all of us are gross but it has to be said - some of us just are.

It is pretty much a daily occurrence in the office building where I work for some woman to (and I did not come up with this phrase but it is the MOST accurate) "blow it up". Now look, I can understand stink-iness because let's face it - who hasn't had a scary meal once in a while. Milk goes bad. Fruit can be sour. Sometimes you can only afford to eat at the Roach Coach. And hello...anyone heard of PMS? BUT SERIOUSLY...can there be at least one golden rule?

FLUSH.

Today (and this is so FOUL FOUL FOUL that I can't believe I am even putting it in words) one of the ladies' bathroom stalls looked like something was GROWING out of the toilet.

Hello!?!?! How does it get that way? Who is this person? Why why why can't they FLUSH it away? Oh shit, is she coming back again tomorrow? Did anyone see her leave the stall? Where am I going to go the bathroom? Oh no...is the smell following me back to my desk?

So here it is. To the lady who can't flush...you embarrass me. Your behavior is up there with women who cry to get what they want (hello use your fucking words), women who don't know how to dispose a sanitary napkin (why are you making me go here), women who call/email/stalk their ex-boyfriends to tell them they miss/love them (jeeeeeeeeeesus, pull yourself together), and women who pee on the seat (how many times do you have to miss before you realize you have no AIM).

YOU EMBARRASS ALL WOMEN. I really believe that you just set us all back 10 years. It's a wonder they let us vote. Now I need to go burn one of my precious, expensive bras because you can't behave. And just for the record, I'm pretty sure Gloria Steinem always flushed.

P.S. If you don't know who that is, YOU EMBARRASS ME.

Day 8: Why Won't Someone Pick Up Their Crap

IT'S STILL THERE!!!

Day 5: Why Won't Someone Pick Up Their Crap

It's still there.

WTF.

Day 4: Why Won't Someone Pick Up Their Crap

It's still there.

Seriously.

This is un-fucking-believable.

Day 3: Why Won't Someone Pick Up Their Crap

It's still there.

Who belongs to this cup of water?

Someone in my office has left a cup of water and one green peanut M&M on the floor of our file room. (Image courtesy of Morgan Bleuel).

Rumor has it, this pathetic snack has been on the floor of this file room since last week. I was out sick so only first noticed it on Monday. St. Patrick's Day. Grrrrrr. Okay, someone point out the HILARIOUS fact that the M&M is green, like St. Patrick's Day. Maybe the 'friggin resident Leprechaun did it. Maybe if I clean up the leftovers of someone's miserable meal a pot 'o gold will appear. That's right. I wrote "o" instead of "of". Artistic license bitch. That's how I'm going to mock St. Patty's Day.

ANYWAY........by today, Tuesday (let's call it Day 2 of Why Won't Someone Pick Up Their Crap), I couldn't take it anymore. I sent out the following email to my co-workers:

Someone has left a cup of water and one (lonely) green peanut M&M on the floor of the file room in the east wing of the office. This cup of water and its companion M&M have been on the floor in this file room since late last week.

Naturally, there are several concerns:
1. Someone could trip, spill the water and potentially hurt themselves or one of Annie’s organized files.
2. Who frivolously wasted good chocolate?
3. Who eats off the floor in a busy office anyway?

For the record, no apology is needed, no one is angry or disappointed, nor does anyone need to CLAIM these items by responding to this email.

Just pick up your crap.

Ursula

So far most of the responses have been "LOLOLOLOLOLOL" or "HAHAHAHAHAHA". To the few people who told me that they love me, THANK YOU. Really. That's all the angry woman needs to hear.

My favorite response so far has been from Ken who pointed out that my email "implies" that I am angry even though it says that I'm not. Yeah, so? Pick up your crap.

Happy St. Patrick's Day

So there's a lady at my work who has tried to kill me twice.

Once I was walking in the parking lot and she decided she needed to park where I was walking. She almost hit me. Really. I'm not exaggerating. And don't laugh because I almost died. P.S. There were millions of other spots to park in, but I guess the other spots didn't have an Asian girl for her to run over.

The 2nd time she closed the elevator doors on me. Then, even after I got into the elevator alive and stared at her in disbelief - she said nothing. That was over Christmas. Happy fucking Holidays. Really. I almost didn't make it to 2008.

So today I see my Asian Girl Serial Killer and I decide "Namaste. New Beginnings. I'm going to smile at her." She smiles back. We get into the crowded elevator and she starts to look me up and down. I think "Get ready. She's going to eat you for a small snack." I know it's not relevant, but this lady is...um...bigger.

She says "You're not wearing green."

Huh?

"It's St. Patrick's Day and you're not wearing green. I guess you're going to get pinched."

Okay...pause. How am I supposed to respond to this? She's being friendly about it. Teasing but not in a I-wish-I-could-skin-you-alive sort of way. But I'm beginning to feel like an abused child. Is Mommy mad today? Is Mommy going to beat me? Why is Mommy driving the car towards me? Why didn't Mommy dress me in Green?

Also - not to point out the obvious because it's not relevant but it is - has she REALLY looked at me? I'm Asian. Are my people supposed to participate?

So I responded (loudly because I really have no control). "Yep. I guess I'm going to get pinched. But maybe I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike being pinched."

Top 'o the morning to 'ya, bitch. Wanna be friends now or what?