Happy St. Patrick's Day

So there's a lady at my work who has tried to kill me twice.

Once I was walking in the parking lot and she decided she needed to park where I was walking. She almost hit me. Really. I'm not exaggerating. And don't laugh because I almost died. P.S. There were millions of other spots to park in, but I guess the other spots didn't have an Asian girl for her to run over.

The 2nd time she closed the elevator doors on me. Then, even after I got into the elevator alive and stared at her in disbelief - she said nothing. That was over Christmas. Happy fucking Holidays. Really. I almost didn't make it to 2008.

So today I see my Asian Girl Serial Killer and I decide "Namaste. New Beginnings. I'm going to smile at her." She smiles back. We get into the crowded elevator and she starts to look me up and down. I think "Get ready. She's going to eat you for a small snack." I know it's not relevant, but this lady is...um...bigger.

She says "You're not wearing green."

Huh?

"It's St. Patrick's Day and you're not wearing green. I guess you're going to get pinched."

Okay...pause. How am I supposed to respond to this? She's being friendly about it. Teasing but not in a I-wish-I-could-skin-you-alive sort of way. But I'm beginning to feel like an abused child. Is Mommy mad today? Is Mommy going to beat me? Why is Mommy driving the car towards me? Why didn't Mommy dress me in Green?

Also - not to point out the obvious because it's not relevant but it is - has she REALLY looked at me? I'm Asian. Are my people supposed to participate?

So I responded (loudly because I really have no control). "Yep. I guess I'm going to get pinched. But maybe I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike being pinched."

Top 'o the morning to 'ya, bitch. Wanna be friends now or what?