A dramatic scene by Woodsie (inspired by Kim D).
SCENE. A sunny beautiful day in a random strip mall parking lot. Woodsie, Irina and Sarina are climbing into a dirty Ford Fuckus parked in front of a Penguin's Ice Cream. Woodsie - chatty and in good spirits - is slightly disheveled from cleaning up the trash and miscellaneous items from the passenger seat and floor of the car. Woodsie walks around to the driver's side of the car. A dusty man in his mid-30's emerges from the ever-quiet Penguin's.
PENGUIN MAN. (Scowling with stinky stink stink face. Speaking in lazy broken English because he hasn't moved all day). You park here. Next time. I tow you.
WOODSIE. (Calmly). Excuse me?
PENGUIN MAN. You cannot park here. I tow you.
WOODSIE. (Confused but still calm). What? Why?
PENGUIN MAN. You no go here. I tow you.
WOODSIE. But I went to that restaurant.
PENGUIN MAN. I see you. You no go here. I tow you.
WOODSIE. But it's all the same building. Why can't I park here?
PENGUIN MAN. They have own parking. I tow you.
WOODSIE. (Still in good spirits). Oh! I'm sorry! I didn't know they had their own parking. I'm sorry!
PENGUIN MAN. I tow you. I see you. I tow you. You no go herrrrrrrrrre. (Penguin man makes a snarling noise).
WOODSIE. (Calm but determined to make light of the situation). I'm sorry. I didn't know.
PENGUIN MAN. I tow you. I tow you.
(PENGUIN MAN Slowly lurks back into the always-empty Penguin's because Pinkberry is better, and Baskin Robbins has more flavors, and at Cold Stone they sing when you tip them. Snarls to himself and makes a noise like Golum from Lord of the Rings. Wrinkles his face like an old lady.)
PENGUIN MAN. I tow you.
WOODSIE. (No longer calm. No longer confused. No longer in good spirits.) I SAID I WAS SORRY!!!!! FUCKER!!
END SCENE.
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